Alchemize, Ground, and Chart Yourself
Moonrise Mystic is the journey of a novelist connecting her love of story with her passion for the mystical into one moving, breathing prayer. It’s for those who love to read fantasy stories and intuitive writings that explore expanding through the initiations of life, death and rebirth, and transmuting shadow to light. Thank you for being here!
Alchemizing Darkness To Soul Power
Sometimes life can feel impossible. It can feel like you deserve so much more than you’re currently receiving in your life. Or that there’s something outside of you that’s blocking you from accessing what you truly want.
I’ve been going through this in my life. I’ve had many days of tears and anger in this past month. There’s been moments within my relationships that deeply challenged me and I’m feeling a bit like I’m spinning my wheels trying to find my own path to well-being in a world that is so consumed by fear.
Yet, I also know there’s a deep power within ready to shine through these challenges.
Have you been experiencing anything like this? Send me a message and let me know or leave a comment as a paid subscriber!
I’ve recently begun exploring my natal chart, which is the map of where the stars and planets were the moment you were born. Up until the last couple of months, I’d only ever known my sun sign, which is Aquarius. (I’ll talk more about this is the section below.)
For the purposes of exploring alchemizing darkness to soul power, I just want to share here that the one thing I’ve discovered about myself so far—because I’m still an astrology baby—is that I have a Pluto Complex as well as Mars, Saturn, and Pluto in Scorpio on my natal chart.
Why does this even matter for you to know about?
I’m going to share a little bit of background up until now as it’s connected to this stagnant energy that you may be feeling right now because it will lead in well to how you can begin alchemizing your own darkness (whether within or without) into soul power.
Before I share, let me be clear about what I mean when I use the word darkness. I’m referring to the dark emotions that we all feel when we’re in a dark night of the soul. I’m not referring to some kind of evil that may or may not exist. I believe that the word darkness has gotten a bad reputation and has been given so many meanings that don’t actually apply to it. People often misunderstand my use of the word and think I’m encouraging satanic practices, which I’m not!
Great, now that’s cleared up 🧙♀️ let’s move forward.
As a child and into adulthood, I’ve been very deep in the depths of life, meaning that I feel everything very deeply and often translate those feelings into dark emotions like despair, sadness, or anger. I used to believe this was wrong, because society told me that if I felt those feelings that there was something wrong with me and I needed to find a way to fix it or seek help.
In contrast, I also feel emotions like love and joy very deeply. What I find interesting as I look back on my life, however, is that I spent most of my time in the dark emotions and I’m still more likely to be in those emotions even now.
I share this with you, because if you’ve been drawn to my writing it’s very likely that you’ve experienced something similar on some level. And what I want you to know is that there is nothing wrong with you.
Who decided darkness was wrong or bad or evil anyway?
I have my own feelings and knowings about that, but I won’t get into it in this post. Let’s just say the patriarchy’s need to control is the result of this misconception about darkness as well as the state we find the world in right now.
As someone who knows dark emotions very well, I’m here to share that if you spend time getting to know the dark emotions rather than pushing them away, there’s so much potential waiting for you. Dive deeply into them and ask them what message they are bringing you.
I believe more and more people are beginning to awaken now, which also means more and more people are entering into a phase of deep releasing, shedding, and healing as they release old beliefs and programs that were never theirs to begin with. This most often also triggers more of these dark emotions to rise. So, more people are beginning to enter a relationship with their own dark night of the soul on a more regular basis.
If you’re experiencing this now, know that there’s nothing wrong with you. Know that there’s nothing to fear within your own darkness. Know that you are a cyclical being—we all are—and that, just as nature cycles, you do too. You were not meant to be in the light all of the time and you definitely weren’t meant to be kept small by matrix programming that wants you to believe you’re anything other than powerful.
As you awaken to the truth of who you really are, it can feel really scary to embrace the darkness as well as the light within yourself, and within the world, especially if it’s not a journey you’ve taken by choice previously.
If you’re feeling overwhelmed by dark emotions because you’re not where you want to be in life or because of what’s happening in the world or you feel like something is blocking you from what you want—I’m here to tell you that you’re not alone and its completely normal to feel like this right now.
I’d also like to invite you to consider if you feel these feelings because you’re afraid to face your dark emotions because of all the misunderstanding in our world about what dark emotions really are.
I want to wrap up this section with a tool for you to use to alchemize your own darkness into soul power. Whether you’re someone, like me, who lives in the depths often, or not, you will find transformation within this.
Darkness To Soul Power Practice
If you’d like to go deeper, I’ve created the Dark Night of the Soul Collection which you can get access to here.
Sacred Feminine Roots
Another pathway that has really helped me to understand the darkness and to see it as beautiful rather than scary, is returning to my sacred feminine roots. Over the centuries, the Sacred Feminine, or Divine Feminine, has been silenced and buried but it is rising again within the hearts of those who remember.
Last year, I completed a mystery school where I connected deeply with the mysteries within Mother Earth and the cosmos. Each month was dedicated to a different mystery. I remember when the month of the rose arrived, it felt anticlimactic for me. I’d never felt particularly drawn to roses and I remember as a child feeling like the scent brought on nausea and headaches (which I now connect to my own suppression of the Sacred Feminine unknowingly).
But, when I set out to learn something or integrate a new practice, I dedicate to completing it entirely. So, I began the rose mystery with great resistance and apathy, feeling like I could just get through it and remain as open minded as possible.
Can you guess what happened? 🌹
To this day, the rose mystery is THE MOST POTENT mystery I connected to in that mystery school. The rose crept in softly, so loving and supportive even as I resisted her, and cracked my heart open to ancient feminine power.
Working with the rose was my first call of the Sacred Feminine. It was in this sacred month last summer that she softened my mind to open my heart to the beauty that waited for me in returning to my own sacred, feminine roots.
It’s too much to share it all here, but I want you to know that the most powerful connection the rose brought to me was the connection of being a soul that came to live in the deep, dark places within myself to the deep, dark places within the Sacred Feminine—whether in the rose, in Mother Earth, in the Divine Mother.
The rose connected me to my own rose lineage—ancestors who never forgot the potency and power of the rose, and all she has to teach us. The rose reminded me that she lives as a seed in the darkness of the soil before she begins her own bloom. And she led me on a path to other teachings and my own rememberings of the Sacred Feminine within everything.
Though many tried to wipe out this part of who we really are, the teachings were kept alive in secrecy by those who never forgot so that when it was time, we would have the teachings to remember our true selves.
These teachings come from Mother Earth and the Divine Mother. These teachings are woven into nature and the cosmos through integrating with the cycles. Just as the rose, and all plant life begins in the darkness, the moon also cycles from light to dark, and the seasons from the dark of winter to the light of summer.
Within these cycles, rituals and ceremonies have been carried through the ages to honor both the light and the dark. Mother Earth’s womb is the darkness where all life begins. The Divine Mother, referred to more often now as Sophia, is the Divine Feminine aspect of God or Source. Within the dark womb of no-thing of the Divine Mother is birthed the light of all Life.
What I came to realize is that the darkness, true darkness, is sacred, potent, and life-creating.
It was through the times of patriarchy that this darkness became misconstrued to be evil along with the sacred woman, who understood the power within the depths, and was declared a witch. This ignited the fiery side of my emotions. I felt angered by this active and intentional muting of feminine power both in the Divine Source/God/Sophia-Source, in Mother Earth, and in the woman.
When you are willing to embrace the darkness within, as well as the light, you are embracing the wholeness of who you really are—both the Divine Feminine and the Divine Masculine. When you honor your darkness and build a relationship with it, you are rebuilding your relationship with the Sacred Feminine power within you.
Darkness is meant to be beautiful too. It’s the place where life is created.
Cosmic Soul
What I’m learning about astrology is that it has much more of an influence on our journey as a soul than we realize. This isn’t to say we aren’t free to choose our own path, but it’s more about the blueprint that we, as souls, set up for ourselves before coming into this life.
The other day, I was watching a video on leadership and she was talking about knowing your chart as one of the first necessary steps to know how you’re called to lead. She gave the example of her own chart (though I don’t remember her alignment) in which it determined she would be leading as a public figure, speaking on stage and in videos.
She went on to share that speaking in this way terrifies her, but she can see now after many years of answering the call, how it’s actually helped her grow in ways she couldn’t have otherwise and help many other people along the way.
It’s really about knowing the alignment of the planets, signs, and houses in your chart as well as your sun sign, rising sign, and moon sign—and that’s just the beginning of understanding yourself. For example, while my sun is in Aquarius, my rising is in Capricorn and my moon is in Aries. Most of the planets in my chart are crammed into Capricorn and Scorpio.
Each of these pieces reveals a different layer of who you really are and why you came here. A revelation your soul is eager for you to tap into because your soul is the one that orchestrated all of it. And the sooner you remember this purpose and who you really are, the sooner you will step into thriving in your life.
I’ve been on the spiritual journey to remember who I really am for quite a while. I’ve tried all the things for manifesting and meditating my way into my best life. All of this time, not realizing that knowing my natal chart held all the answers I was seeking.
I don’t believe it’s commonly talked about in this way—astrology is often misunderstood as a fun pastime. But when you explore it for yourself and uncover the truths of your own soul, the plan your soul made for yourself in this lifetime, you reclaim your power to create the life of your dreams.
I’ve spent too many years fighting against my own chart without even realizing it. An example of this is trying to build a business as a leader in the spotlight, because that’s what all the successful leaders I learned from did. But, this aspect of leadership isn’t in my chart. My chart is more about creativity, community, home life, and living in the depths within myself and within life.
Can you imagine? Years spent on an endeavor that was paddling upstream because it wasn’t meant for me—in fact, it wasn’t part of the plan my soul had created for this human experience. And really, it was a big exhale when I figured this out through reading my chart. “You mean, there’s not something wrong with me?,” I asked aloud. “You mean, I was fighting a path that was never meant for me all this time? There’s actually another way that I can flow into as who I really am?”
Whoa. Talk about life-changing.
Can you relate to this? Have you been pursuing a path just because it’s the way everyone you know has created success?
If you have felt stuck for a long time trying to reach your dream business, or family life, or relationship, or creative endeavor, or whatever it is and haven’t been able to make it happen, it could be because you’re paddling upstream against the plan you created at soul-level before entering this life.
Learning your own chart could change your life!
If you are just beginning, there are many places you can get a free chart online and begin exploring this for yourself. I also recommend Astrology Made Easy, by Yasmin Boland as it walks you step-by-step to reading your own chart and she offers to run a free chart for you!
My Writing Journey
As always, I’m going to be completely transparent. I was on a roll with the new novel. I wrote three chapters in a week and they were each very exciting in their own right. I felt really good about the direction the story was moving in and the way the characters were developing.
Then, dark emotions hit me in waves. The first wave came the second week of April and it was triggered when the person I was meant to meet missed our morning walk. This sounds silly, but at the moment the trigger pierced like a knife to the stomach.
The second wave came a few days later, after I’d move through the first one and was just coming out the other side. This time, the trigger happened during a morning walk when someone close to me shared a story that activated some deep pain I was currently trying to heal.
What’s interesting as I look back on what seemed like distractions from writing, they weren’t actually distractions at all, but power to fuel my story.
Even though I had to take time away from the novel to sit with this darkness that rose in me, A LOT came through in the alchemizing and healing that took place that has given me a clearer perspective on the place I’m at in the story.
My last true writing session, I could tell that I was losing steam—something just wasn’t lighting my fire with the story. It felt really good overall, but I really struggled with the last few scenes. To tie this all together, let me share more about my triggers because it’s ALL connected.
The first trigger, being “stood up” on the morning walk was about feelings I still had in me that I wasn’t appreciated. The second trigger was connected to some old beliefs I still held that contradicted my true knowings of the Sacred Feminine energy that exists in everything.
This new novel series is going to deeply integrate witches, lost lands, and the Sacred Feminine in her truest forms—through humans, through Mother Earth, and within the cosmos.
The heroine of the story is also going to cycle through many dark nights of the soul within this story, facing her fears of unworthiness.
As I look back on these spirals that required me to step away from writing for a few days at a time, I see how my soul was actually helping me gain clarity. She showed me the reason the last few senes I’d written has lost their excitement for me.
It’s because I was still doubting myself in ways that affected my ability to write the scenes as they wanted to be written. For one, I’d completely dismissed exactly how much my main character, as witch in the modern world, would really spiral into her own dark night of the soul when her magic was taken from her. I was writing scenes as if that had no effect on how her life would change. So, it was missing authenticity.
For another, I was still denying the real depiction of the Sacred Feminine I want to bring into this story because I was still denying the Sacred Feminine a little within myself, for fear of being judged or harmed by really expressing it.
I don’t believe I’m alone on this. Especially after reading an article where a powerful Sacred Feminine leader was defaced simply because the world doesn’t want us remembering and reclaiming that power—and this woman has created a whole movement centered around the Divine Feminine.
When I saw how this article tried to bring her down and how she was still stepping up to lead anyway, it helped me heal more of this fear. To remember that I came here to return the Sacred Feminine through the novels I write and that it’s safe to do this.
My next steps are to go back and weave in the dark night of the soul properly for the main character. So that I can honor her darkness and necessary and beautiful. And from there, I trust the next scenes will unfold easily and in alignment with the story I came here to write.
If you’re creating something, be gentle with yourself. If you need to step away for a while to process your own healing and alchemize your own darkness to return to the project with a new power, then allow that to happen.
It may not make sense until you’re through the other side, but it will be worth it.
With love, Alysia
Found this and thought of you: https://open.substack.com/pub/alyssapolizzi/p/odyssey-the-archetypal-yearning-for?r=1utrit&utm_medium=ios