You Haven't Been Abandoned

You're Just More Powerful Than You Realize

Moonrise Mystic is the journey of a novelist connecting her love of story with her passion for the mystical into one moving, breathing prayer. It’s for those who love to read fantasy stories and intuitive writings that explore expanding through the initiations of life, death and rebirth, and transmuting shadow to light. Thank you for being here!

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Photo by CharlVera on Pixabay

This has been a year of messy transformation. And I didn’t ask for any of it. Or so I thought.

Prayer is a powerful tool to create transformation in your life through open communication between your human awareness and your Higher Self—who you really are. Through prayer, you become a golden dragon walking the earth, a phoenix rising, you turn inward to your soul and access your own inner power to create and embody anything you choose in this lifetime.

You carry all that you need within you, which is the same stardust power that creates worlds and universes.

So, when you pray, and it feels like your prayers aren’t answered—or worse, the exact opposite of what you prayed for happens—it can be soul-crushing. It looks like a denial of the power within that you know to be true. It can spiral you down into the depths from which you feel you may never return because the pain of feeling that separation is so intense.

This feeling has been a constant in my life for the last decade, if not longer, and it’s culminated since the beginning of this year (2024) into an explosion of everything that I’ve been seeking to create being ripped away, crumbled, and collapsed.

The Collapse Is An Answer

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I remember the moment, a few months ago, when I realized that what I thought was a prayer answered was actually a giant leap backward. I was sitting in my bedroom, my heart sank into my stomach, my throat tightened, I couldn’t move. I was in shock. After the shock wore off, the tears came. Once enough tears had shed, the anger joined in.

Later that day, as I drove alone on the freeway, so much anger rose inside of me that I didn’t think I’d make it home. I thought I was either going to crash the car or just die right there on the spot from an emotional overload. It felt like fire was consuming my body. I yelled at the Universe, Sophia-Source, my Higher Self, the Goddess. I cursed at them for abandoning me for so long and for ignoring my prayers all this time. I deserved far better than the life I’d been dealt. And I certainly didn’t deserve what had just happened.

Afterall, I was doing my part. I was “trying” to make things happen. Then, when that didn’t work, I was surrending it all. And when that didn’t work, I’d get still and just be. So… why in the actual hell was I not being met with answers to my prayers?

Back to the freeway, my Higher Self took over driving the car and breathed a little more life into my lungs so I didn’t pass out or decide to let go of the wheel entirely. It was a process, but I made it home, purely by the grace of my own divinity holding me in that moment—even though I couldn’t feel it at the time.

I believe we all have these moments. Moments where we feel so abandoned by our own soul that we just want to give up.

While many people shun away from these feelings, I feel they’re necessary and important to move through. To be honored and acknowledged so healing can happen. I share this story because it makes the point of this post. Three months after this moment, after my life has finally seemed to settle into a quiet reprieve, I’ve realized that I was never abandoned.

A decade of feeling like my prayers were going unanswered, was really a decade of prayers being answered one little step at a time. I was in too much pain during those years because of my circumstances to see that the answers were arriving, but still, they came and nudged me a little more, one loving breath at a time toward my own self-love and self-respect.

The answers arrived in the collapse. They arrived in the crumbles. They arrived in the heartbreak.

Every moment that felt like I’d been betrayed by my own self, by that greater power within, was actually a moment of a prayer answered. I’ll give an example from this year to show what I mean. Because, whew, this year! It’s been an unwanted journey that has turned into the best thing that’s ever happened to me.

Holding of the Divine Feminine

Photo by Alysia Moonrise on MidJourney

It began with some divine intervention in a beautiful synchronistic moment that brought me The Sophia Code—a book about the return of the Divine Feminine and activating your own divinity within every cell of your body. I remember thinking at the time, “This is it. This is the answer I’ve been looking for to finally move beyond this stuck place into where I’ve always wanted to be.”

And I was right. For me, the arrival of this book in my life was a big part of many prayers answered.

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I delivered this vessel for teaching men and women that they are one in their prayers. The bowl of the chanupa is the Divine Feminine principle of the pipe, while the stem is the Divine Masculine. The sacred pipe cannot be smoked in prayer without their union. The bowl is perfectly designed for its purpose, and so too the stem. ~ White Buffalo Woman, The Sophia Code p. 286

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Yet, the invitation that came with this answer was unexpected. This work puts you on an accelerated path to shedding and shadow work and self-love. So, while I was praying for the relationship, the money, and the home I most desired, I thought that meant an easy shift of who and what was already present in my life to work with more ease, flow, and love.

What it actually meant to have these prayers answered in true alignment with who I came here to be and what I’m here to create is that NONE of what was in place when I began these prayers was allowed to stay. Not the people, not the work, not the house. Say what? Oh, I kicked and screamed through a lot of this as things and people I held close fell away, but now that they’ve been gone for a good while, I feel deep relief.

My discovery of The Sophia Code was also the beginning of my interest in astrology, where I discovered that I’m Capricorn Rising and Aries Moon in addition to already knowing I’m an Aquarius Sun.

This brings us to the Age of Aquarius that we’ve just entered into, with Pluto moving into Aquarius. Thank the Goddess I didn’t know that I had 16 years of Pluto in Capricorn when it was happening. I don’t resonate very much with my Capricorn as it is. Spending 16 years with Pluto—the planet of death, rebirth, and transformation— moving through my rising sign also helps me see that this was a time of deep shadow for me, despite how hard I prayed or worked to make my dreams a reality. It just wasn’t my time… yet.

With Pluto moving out of my rising sign (f@ck yes!) and into my sun sign (I love my Aquarius) I know that this plays a vital role in my journey of stepping into my destiny life now. Of my prayers being answered now. In divine timing.

As the shift into the Age of Aquarius began earlier this year, the Divine Feminine rising in me refused to settle for anything less than my destiny life. In the past, Pluto in Capricorn insisted that I walk through the fires and burn away the old—for a REALLY long time. But, through it all, I was being called home. It was probably the most potent initiation of my lifetime.

Reflection & Encouragement

Photo by ArtSpark in Pixabay

I look back on this year of 2024, and I can see how it was the boiling point of over a decade of these combined journeys. In a moment of divine intervention, the perfect resource—The Sophia Code—entered my life so I could get ready and willing to let go of everything. And I did. The pain was unbearable, and yet I knew I didn’t walk it alone because my Higher Self and my spiritual mentors walked beside me. They held me in the darkest places where I felt like it was the end and lifted me up in the moments I couldn’t do it myself.

I look back on this year, and I realize that my prayers have been answered. That I’m actually so powerful (we all are), and as soon as I speak what I want, anything that isn’t that or stands in the way of that begins to crumble, to empty. Making room for the answer to my prayer to arrive.

Where I sit now, in gratitude to have my health and my family safe and well, my life is otherwise empty. Where I sit now, with not much to claim, I sit in more self-love and self-compassion than ever before. Because I made it. I walked through the fire that needed to burn so I could start anew to see my prayers fulfilled. For the first time, from this new self-perspective, the emptiness feels amazing. And I now live into the question: What beauty can all this emptiness be filled with?

I can already feel the movement of some of my long-time prayers entering into the space that’s been created. Even though they aren’t tangible yet, they are arriving. Their energy is all around me. And now… I wait. I wait in knowing, and in deep respect for the person I’m becoming.

Now I understand. I was never abandoned. My prayers weren’t ignored. It was simply about timing and willingness. And one small step at a time, I became willing as diving timing approached.

Regardless of where Capricorn falls on your chart, I believe we’ve all moved through the fires in our own way with Pluto in Capricorn, which was all about old-school paradigms and power structures. And we’re now all getting a chance to be reborn in the Age of Aquarius… if we’re willing to do the inner work and speak our heart’s deepest prayers.

Step through the fire. It will burn. It will be painful. You will fall. But on the other side, you will rise. You will be reborn. You will shine in your truth. You will live your destiny life.

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